I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
nutella sex= disaster
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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