there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
