The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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