I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
