Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
