so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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