Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
