I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
