its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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