he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
