i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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