You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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