I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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