My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
