I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
