This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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