Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
