How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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