around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
