peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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