I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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