I just gift wrapped bread.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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