He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
