and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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