I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
