Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
