1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
