people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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