you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
