it was like his penis was on wheels.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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