Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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