i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
