I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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