I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
