Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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