I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
