new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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