in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
