shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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