She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
