words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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