Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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