My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
