so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
