wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
