we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
