I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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