I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Two words: blizzard sex
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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