They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
