Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
