I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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