My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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