Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
