never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
