to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
