the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
