So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
