i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
