Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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