I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
