So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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