NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
