I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
